I Do, Mr Dixon
by akiraflame-tumblr
Summary: Part 2 of 3 of my 'Mr. Dixon' series, sequel to 'Pleasure to Meet You, Mr. Dixon.' Daryl and Beth have survived the Governor's revenge, but at what cost? Will they be able to rebuild their relationship and move on with their lives, or will the guilt and pain of their losses crush and break them apart? First two chapters pick up after ch 14 of 'Pleasure...' the rest will be post 15.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, lovelies! Here is the first sequel to 'Pleasure to Meet You, Mr. Dixon!' Updates will be slow on this fic and all my others as I am still trying to set a routine of being a first year teacher, grad school, and writing.**

**This chapter is a flash back to before the last chapter of 'Pleasure to Meet You, Mr. Dixon.' This chapter and the next one are about the struggles Beth and Daryl faced as they overcame their fear, trauma, and guilt over what happened in chapter 14 of 'Pleasure….'**

**Chapter One - **

_"Daddy?!"__ Beth screamed, __dropping her bag and the phone and running out on to the porch. She slid to a stop at the sight of the man from the bar, Phillip, The Governor, with a gun pointed at her father's head as he kneeled in front of him. Tears filled her eyes at the sight of a bullet wound in her father's arm._

_"Please, just…leave him alone. I'll do whatever you want…just please; let my daddy go…" a cruel smile crossed the Governor's face before he pulled the trigger, her father's body seeming to fall in slow motion to the ground. Beth felt her heart stop and her sobs became choking and she barely felt her body hit the ground next to her father's body. _

_The dead body on the ground in front of her suddenly morphed into two bodies, her father's and Daryl's and Beth's heart shattered as she cried and screamed the hunter's name, her hands clutching his cold shoulders as she shook him and begged for him to come back to her, to not be dead._

"Beth?!" a voice cut through Beth's screams and her eyes flew open, her vision blurred by tears as sobs cut through her panicked and heartbroken cries and shrieks, her hands clawing at the arms holding her. "Beth, it's okay! It was just a nightmare!" She blinked her blue eyes furiously to clear her vision of the tears and Daryl's dark form took shape above her. Beth threw herself into him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder and sobbed, her body shaking viciously as Daryl's strong arms wrapped around her and held her to him, his body adjusting to sit with his back against the headboard and pulling her to curl up on his lap. The hunter swallowed heavily and placed his chin on top of her head.

"Same nightmare?" his voice was pained and Beth nodded softly, reluctantly, knowing that this nightmare had only fed the guilt the man felt over that night. She moved her hand so that it rested above his heart, feeling the crazed beats of the muscle as adrenaline pumped through his body at the rude awakening she had given him. The feeling of his warm body under hers, of his heart beat slowing from the panic her nightmare had put him in, soothed her terror and fears that she had lost him that night months ago. Her cries died down and she stretched her body from the ball it had been in to lay completely on top of his, moving so that her stomach lay on his, allowing her to look up into his eyes.

Daryl's blue eyes killed her. They were full of guilt, pain, and unshed tears. It had been three months since they had buried her father and that look on the hunter's face was always there. Every time their eyes met, he would look so guilty and so heart broken. His eyes would go back to her wrist, with its raised scar hidden under numerous bangles and bracelets, and he would swallow heavily before looking away.

The past three months had been torture for the couple and Beth could feel it ripping them apart. She had reluctantly moved into the farmhouse, giving up her apartment and moving into her old family home after Shawn and Maggie had refused to do so; Daryl had moved back to his apartment an hour away. At first, they spoke frequently on the phone and spent nights at each other's homes, but it was cold. Distant.

He never wanted to kiss her anymore. He held her close to him at night, so tightly that sometimes she worried about breathing, but it eased her fears of losing him and she knew it eased his fears of losing her. But the number of nights they spent together decreased. Daryl would always have something to do and would mumble excuses into their phone calls before hanging up or mumble them to her face when they spent time together at the farm house or on dates.

The most heartbreaking part of it all was that he stopped telling her he loved her.

She could see it, the love he still held for her, in his eyes. It was buried deep under his grief and guilt. Anytime she said those magical words to him, which the number of times she said it decreased as the days wore on, his eyes would brighten for a brief second, a mixture of happiness and shock lighting up his face and eyes, a small smile trying to lift his lips that would open to speak the words back to her before his eyes would darken and his lips would close with a heavy swallow, as if he was swallowing the words back down.

They were falling apart and no matter what Beth said or did, Daryl slipped further from her.

This was their first night to sleep in the same room in over a week. Beth had been having this nightmare since Daryl first began to distance himself from her and she had prayed it wouldn't happen that night. She knew it killed him to hear her screaming for her father but this was the first time he had been there to hear her scream for him. Part of Beth hoped it would help him realize that she needed him in her life, that she feared losing him too.

"It started the same but it was different," she whispered to him. She could hear and feel him swallow heavily before his arms wrapped tighter around her, his gaze holding hers. She could see the confusion he felt before understanding crossed his gaze and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Me?"

"Yes." She adjusted her body, settling her knees on both sides of his stomach so that she was straddling him, her hands grabbing both of his and holding them tightly and kissing his knuckles. "I can't…I can't lose you, Daryl." Her words were soft but in the silence of the farmhouse, she knew he could hear her.

"He's gone, Beth, he ain't gonna be able to hurt me," Daryl replied and Beth sighed.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. It's been three months, Daryl. You've been getting distant from me. I've let it go on long enough, too long honestly." Beth moved forward more so that she could press her forehead to Daryl's, his hands moved to her waist and he gripped her fiercely, his eyes never leaving hers. "Daryl, we don't blame you. _None _of us blame you. Please, _please, _Daryl, _talk _to me. Let me back in. I _love _you, I _need _you." Beth's voice cracked as the pain and heartbreak she had been feeling for the past three months pushed its way into her voice and caused a lump to form in her throat. Daryl's eyes closed tightly and his hands clutched her waist in a bruising grip.

"Beth…I can't. I look at you and I…I see…." Daryl heaved a sigh, his eyes lowering to their hands as he spoke. "I see you on the ground," he paused and swallowed heavily again, "his gun to your forehead, and your wrist…." Daryl moved his right hand and grabbed her left wrist tightly, lifting it to show her the scar before pressing his lips to it softly. The gesture made Beth's breath catch in her throat. It was the most loving gesture and the first kiss he had given her in a long time. "You wrist cut open and you bleeding to death. I see your skin a sickly pale and my dreams are filled with your beautiful blue eyes staring lifelessly up at me from his feet." Daryl lifted Beth off of his body, setting her gently on the bed beside him before standing up beside the bed and tugging on his jeans, boots, coat, and vest. His body was trembling when he turned back to face her and Beth moved forward, her arms reaching out to pull him to her as tears filled her eyes again. Daryl shrugged her arms away from him as his voice caught in his throat.

He desperately wanted to pull her to him but when his eyes met hers again, he didn't see her beautiful baby blues. He saw faded, lifeless eyes staring back at him. Daryl blinked and her eyes returned to their bright blue shade, tears filling them and breaking his heart at the sight. He turned his body from Beth and walked to the bedroom door, the guilt and pain he was feeling overwhelming him. He couldn't be there. Not in Hershel's house. Not in Beth's bed. Not after what he had done to them.

"I see your dad, in my dreams. He tells me it's my fault, and it is! I got him killed! I nearly got you killed! Dammit, Beth, everything that has happened is _my _fucking fault! My dreams are haunted by that night, by _what could have happened_! The Governor marched right up to the house, killed your father and nearly you! He would have killed Rick and his family, and everyone I met at your family's Christmas dinner because of _me. _That's all I see now, Beth, their dead bodies, your dead body…and it's _killing _me." Daryl wrenched the bedroom door open and walked quickly out of the bedroom, Beth flinging herself off the bed and racing after him.

"Daryl, please!" she plead as she followed him down the stairs and out on to the porch, the cool March night air shocking her when it hit her exposed fingers and toes. Daryl turned back to her and shook his head, his eyes full of pain.

"I can't do this, Beth, not anymore. I've tried…" his voice was heavy as he ran a hand through his hair and over his face. "I can't. We're…" his voice broke off completely as he mouthed the word 'done' making him clear his throat and try again, but his throat had closed and no sounds would come out. The guilt ridden part of him thought that leaving Beth would help clear up some of the pain he was feeling. The rest of him broke at the thought of losing and leaving her. Beth froze in her steps, sobs shaking her body. She shook her head violently.

"No, you don't mean that, Daryl. We need to talk, we need to get help! The whole situation with the Governor, daddy's death, him nearly killing….We need to talk to someone!" Beth raced forward the last few feet and Daryl welcomed her back into his arms, the pain and guilt he was feeling lifting slightly at the warmth of her body and the feeling of holding her again. After a few moments, Daryl stepped away from Beth, his eyes going to the ground in front of the porch steps where Hershel had died and Beth had nearly joined him in everlasting peace and he felt all of the soul-crushing pain he had been feeling return ten fold. He shook his head and turned back to his truck.

"Daryl, please, don't do this!" Beth cried as she chased after him, her bare feet landing heavily on the gravel of the driveway. Daryl choked on his tears as he turned back to face her. "Please, Daryl, we just..." Beth sighed heavily and Daryl wiped at his face, the cold air freezing the tears he struggled, and failed, to contain. He could see the struggle Beth was having to find the words to say but they both knew she had already said them all.

"Beth, I…" Daryl saw Beth shiver and he slid off his vest and coat, wrapping them both around her before stepping away again. "I'm sorry….I just don't know what to do anymore…All I feel is pain and guilt. All the time…"

"You have to put it away or it'll kill you, Daryl. Here," Beth gestured to her heart and Daryl sighed.

"I can't…" he mumbled before climbing into his truck and leaving, his eyes watching in his rearview mirror as Beth tried to stop him. The mixture of feelings in his chest crushing him with every mile he put between them.


	2. AN

**A/N: **I apologize for doing this to you, for posting this as a new chapter in all of my fics and making you think that I have updated them when this isn't an update.

It's a notice.

I lost my sister almost a week ago. She was my shoulder, my strength, my sword and shield, my confidante…my best friend.

She taught me the love and joy of writing.

She taught me the love and joy of fanfiction.

And right now, there is a huge hole in my heart and a deep-seated pain in my chest.

Writing is damn impossible now.

I'm not going to be updating any of my fics or writing any of my prompts for a while.

Though this goes against everything she (and my family) believed in and would want for me, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to write again, to be honest.

Please continue to be patient and I hope you can understand.

I'm currently taking a hiatus from my Tumblr (aside from my post about meeting Norman Reedus and honoring my sister's life with him) and from writing.

I will make a post on my Tumblr when/if I return to writing.


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